Writing As A Love Letter

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Dear listeners, here is something I have been thinking about for a long time. Every life is a sense, a story being written in real time. Some of it gets witnessed, most of it doesn't. The small kindness, the harder reasons, the people we sat with in their last hours, the lessons that arrived too quietly to make decisions or the headlines. And one day all of that risks disappearing. Unless someone somewhere decides to write it down. To listen carefully enough to remember, to pick up a pen, not to be famous, not to be productive, but to honor what otherwise could have been lost. That's not just writing. That's a kind of love letter to the live life. So hey dear listeners, welcome back to another powerful episode of Mind Meets Machine. I'm your host, Navik, and today we are going to talk about a different kind of machine. The one that we build around memory, around legacy, around the words we live behind when we are no longer in the room. Because in a world running faster, every year, the people who slow down to write are doing something quite radical. They are refusing to let life pass through unnoticed. And my guest today, please welcome Nancy Jensen Nensley. Welcome to the show.

SPEAKER_01 1:38

Thank you, Avik. Thank you for having me. Hello, everyone. Nice to talk with you. I will listen to you if you listen to me.

SPEAKER_00 1:48

Exactly. Exactly. Thank you so much for joining us today. And dear listeners, before we get into the discussion deeply, I'd quickly love to introduce you with Nancy. So Nancy is a legal nurse, a spy specialist, a teacher, and an author whose work reflects a lifetime of service. Like someone who has spent years sitting beside people at the most tender ages of life and who now writes to listen, to remember, and to create with purpose. Let's get started.

Childhood Trauma And First Pages

SPEAKER_00 2:25

So Nancy, like I want to definitely start with something very honest, like because I think there is a misconception which is sitting at the center of how people see writers, especially writers who came to the page after long careers in something else. People assume writing is mostly about having things to say, about expression and about output. But I have a feeling that for you, I mean, writing started as something quite a than that, like something closer to listening. So if you can share, like if I'm correct, and what do most people get wrong about what writing actually is, especially when it comes later in life?

SPEAKER_01 3:12

Ah, yes. Yeah. Everyone has a story. Everyone has a story. There are multiple ways to give your story to others. People you trust, people that are famous that lecture, people, but I I found a way to tell my story that helped me get through life. I had a very difficult childhood. It was abusive. I had I I wrote a book about it. I started, I started to write when I was I was four years old when I learned to read. My parents didn't have a lot of money, so they put one doll in my playpen and a whole bunch of books. Readers digest. My father read, he had a photographic memory, he was a photographer. My mother was went to Juilliard and she was a concert pianist, taught piano for years. So there was an art gene in there somewhere. And I they would throw those things and I saw these things called letters, and I I asked questions when I saw three or four of them in a word. So I was fortunate in being able to read a little bit when I was about four and five years old. I never felt worthy. I think that happens to a lot of people that that have a difficult childhood. And their children do have PTSD, we have abandonment issues, etc. So I I would draw pictures, I would write. It seemed to put me in another zone. I wasn't as afraid as I normally was, and that really helped. When in jobs that we take that have a lot of stress, when stressed, I write something. If you could see the other side of this room, you see a lot of books. I read every day, constantly. And I don't always agree. Sometimes I do, and sometimes I write other people to let them know what I think. Okay. So that helps me to get out of the costume of someone unworthy and put it on paper. And all of a sudden, I'll see something that I that's in my brain. It looks different when I write it down. I'm sure, Avik, that you've had that. You have a decision to make or you have a thought in your mind. When I write it down, it seems to be a little bit different. And it gives me more to think about, to make a better decision, and to learn to listen. There's a difference between hearing and listening. I can hear you, but listening means that I take in your how you look at me, how your body language is, the tone of your voice, whether you ask a question if you don't understand. That's a big part of listening. When I hear something and I already make a decision about it, I have to stop and listen to what they say or ask a question and say, sounds like something that I might have experienced. Can I tell you how I feel about that? If they say no, then I stop. Okay. So listening sometimes gives you pause, moments to pause, moments to reflect, moments to ask questions, and involve yourself in whatever someone's saying. Whether it's something you understand or something that you argue that you are against, you still have to get their purpose behind what they want to say. So that's very, very important. So everyone has a story. That doesn't mean that you have to have it published. I have journals all over this room and in other rooms. And I'll give you an example. I I didn't have a good day uh last week. It just wasn't, my husband and I were just at ends, and the kids were angry about something, and I just felt I felt unworthy again. Uh I wasn't able to fix it. Uh being a nurse, I'm a fixer, and I'm always going to be a fixer. I just have to learn when not to fix it or not to try and fix it, because I don't know everything. But so I journaled almost four pages of how I felt. And when I read that a couple of days later, I thought, who is that? This, I know who that is. That's the little girl in the closet who felt frightened because she couldn't fix it. The that was the teenager who tried to excel so much that she intimidated other people. Okay. So all of those things are very important. Writing and reading is very important. Whatever you can do, if you have a problem, my husband has dyslexia, which he never ever, he never wrote, he never spoke, he never read because he felt that he was wrong. And I said, I don't care how you spell something, just write it down. And then I taught him how to put a ruler underneath the words so he doesn't see the whole paragraph, which really helped him to read and and be able to speak, tell your people about what he read. So there are a lot of a lot of help for people who have difficulties with writing, reading. Just it never stopped getting educated, believe me. I'm almost 85. Well, I am just 85, almost 85 years old, and I never stopped learning. I had to learn about the computer. I mean, I had to learn how to zoom during COVID. I had to learn a lot of things, what a browser was, and what all these titles are. And so you never stop learning. That's kind of my mantra.

SPEAKER_00 9:14

That is true. Learning is never, it's a kind of never-ending process. And so I I remember I mean uh uh like it was a very great thing. And so when I was studying uh at Cornell, that time I had one, I mean he he is still there. I mean, so he he used to teach us the communications, like how you should be preparing for a GD, how you should go ahead and talk to someone for the PLI and all. So two things he mentioned. He he said, like, you know, so he's basically from Pennsylvania, but he said that uh you know English is a very funny language. So you you you you say one word and another word also looking same, but it pronounces differently. So so I mean it's very, very late if plus he mentioned like we always say that we have learned, I mean, there is nothing much to learn, but yeah, but it is very difficult. It is very different. There is there are a lot of things to learn, and uh even if like he used to say that like I have done PhD. So he used to say that he's done PhD, but still, if I have to give you a picture, so uh consider that Atlantic Ocean, and I am just having a bucket of water, that is me. There are a lot of things to learn. So I mean, I I I I really remember. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:51

I I totally agree. I I I definitely agree.

Wearing Costumes And Taking Risks

SPEAKER_01 10:55

I I uh in order to make me feel differently than what than I did inside, that kind of, oh, they don't like me, I'm gonna do something wrong, say something wrong, I took a lot of risks. I could put on a costume, a costume that would fit the the situation I was in, the the place that I was in, who I was talking to. And if I put the costume on and I could be that, I could fit in, maybe that little girl would be hidden in that costume. I used to try out for plays in high school. I was a nervous wreck, never thought I could act. I I was in a variety show for 25 years, learned how to tap dance and do all kinds of things. I loved putting on a costume. When you do that though, a lot of times you don't let them know who you are. Who is this without a costume? You know, are you the actor? Are you the author? Are you the nurse? Are you the counselor? Are you the auditor? I've been all those things, all those costumes. I also decided, though, I would take off the costume when the appropriate moment happened so that they could see who I am. I make mistakes, I don't know everything. I may have a lot of letters after my name, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't have a root somewhere. This is who I am. I love to listen. I love children. I have 14 grandchildren and six, eight, eight great-grandchildren, and I can become the child. I can crawl on the floor. They laugh at me getting up, but I love children and I love teenagers. I taught, I had a teaching degree as well as an RN and all those other letters, and I got to teach at Bedford uh vo vocational education, and the teen they were a challenge. Believe me, they were a challenge. They thought my class was going to be an easy one. And I said, Yeah, it'll be easy if you listen and if you do what I ask, and if you let me teach you what I know. And so that I got to learn. That helped, all of those things that are that make me who I am, helped me write different in different genres. In fact, the last one I did, the most recent, is a sci-fi. And my grandson, who was 14 and a very good artist, he had this monster that he drew with arms and googly eyes. And I said, What is that? He said, That's an alien. And I said, Oh, that's that's really good. He said, I want you to write a sci-fi. And I said, I know the moon stars, the earth. I I've I've been into a planetarium, I loved it, I think it's amazing, but I know nothing. You have to have some believable uh facts in in fiction, as you know. You can't everything can't be off the charts. Or you lose someone, no one can identify, okay. You have to have characters that have a life, have a backstory in there. So I thought he said, No, grandma, you can make it up. You make up a lot of things, you can do it. And so I thought, okay, I'll study. And I found out that there are actually five planets at the end of our universe, and one of them has a lot of the a lot of the things that Earth has. Two suns the same distance away, same size, and it kind of has a kind of a covering over it. So that became a starter for me to try and get people to get to that universe thousand light years away. So you never know. You never know that you stop learning, you never know if what you can get from someone else. I love to counsel people. I I had a period of my life that was very bad. I was addicted to alcohol, I had a terrible disease. That disease will follow me the rest of my life, but I have I learned how to deal with that disease. I got help for that, and I help for a lot of other things, so I can share with other people and hope that they trust me enough to uh follow my advice if they want it. So all of those things. And so that helps me to try and share with other people what I've learned in my life, mistakes that I've made, decisions that I took over. And when someone told me I was intimidating, I thought, I'm a nice guy, I'm nice, I listen to you, I'm funny, I what do you mean intimidating? They said, you overdo everything. No one can compare themselves to you, so you need to stop doing that. So I put the brakes, put the brakes on a little bit, because you have to know when to do that as well, especially in any job or any position that you're in, even in your family life. My kids don't want to hear all my advice. So I ask them now, are you asking for my input or my advice? And they often say, No, mom, I just want you to listen. That's it. Just listen. Don't make faces, don't tell me what to read. Don't give your advice unless I ask for it.

SPEAKER_02 16:40

So amazing.

SPEAKER_00 16:45

So wow.

Start Where You Are

SPEAKER_00 16:48

And and you know, like when someone you know is hesitating to start writing their own story, so then what is the gentle thing you say to them?

SPEAKER_01 17:01

Something comes into your mind, okay. Have a way to write it down. All of a sudden, you'll find a title or you'll find something that reminds you of something that happened in your life, and you want to share it with someone, write it down. I used to have uh a little recorder in my car, and someone like rainbows in December. I saw a girl when I had a compression business and I went to get them made, and she was outside smoking, it was snowing, and she said, Look, look, look, there's a rainbow in December. Ran back to my car and wrote it down. So, write your thoughts. Talk to someone. If you if you are what you find something that's really bothering you, say you're you're burned out from your job, you're just exhausted, you have a right to take a breath. There are a lot of ways to take care of those times when you're just wiped out from something personal or a job or whatever's going on in your life, or you're just in a space where you don't know what to do. Get someone you trust. Get either a professional or a friend or someone that knows how to listen, that can listen to you. And if you want their advice, you want their input, then do that. But get someone you trust, not someone that gossips, someone that you say, I'm telling you this in confidence. Can you do this? Okay. So that really, really does help. And then you write down how you feel about it. And that's all of a sudden, there's a story there. Everyone has a story. Everyone does. No one has a perfect story other either, because things happen to people, to everyone. Even people that are powerful, you can learn from them how they how they take care of that, how do they process that, how do they hide from it? All of those things. So, yes, yes. Just talk to someone. I do ghostwriting for people who do not like to write, they feel they can't spell, they don't know what to how to write it down. So I said, talk to me, and I spend time with them, and I write what I think they're saying to me, I show it to them. They say, Yeah, that's right. And it brings forward some other thoughts or experiences that they can do in there. So, yes, there are people that will do that for you.

unknown 19:36

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 19:36

Exactly, cool. And uh okay, and yeah, I have to say this. I mean, obviously, this stays with me because it I think we we have been taught that writing is a performance and a thing that you do for an audience with confidence and craft, and what you are naming is something much older than that, like closer to a sacred listening. So definitely, yes. And if I have to say, like I have to I mean, bring this or make this real for the listeners, because writing as a practice can sound abstract until it touches the floor of someone's someone's day, right?

Night Writing And Creative Routines

SPEAKER_00 20:17

So if you can just take us into your into your actual writing life, like what does it look like on a regular morning when you sit down to write? Where does the impulse come from? Like, I mean, yeah, and if you can share it.

SPEAKER_01 20:32

I here's an example. Okay, I love poetry. I've written poetry, some's been published. I wrote a poem. The first thing I ever wrote was to my mother when I was eight years old. Okay. And the response from her, even though it wasn't a really good poem, but the response from her was good. So if if you have a thought, you don't have to have, I I kind of know the ending when I write, when I write down a title, I have an idea of what the ending should be, and I try to process the characters. I even talk to my characters, my protagonists at night. My best writing, find your best writing time. My best writing is between midnight and 3 a.m. Evidently, I've had enough coffee or tea or whatever it is, and I do talk to, I invite my characters to come in the room with me. I pretend that I know who they are. My husband's used to me talking to someone who he can't see. I I talk to myself. Sometimes getting some hearing yourself talk can help you in your writing. Then often you have times when you cannot write anything. You know, those those moments where there's a pause in what you do, there's a pause when you have a meeting with someone. Right? There's a time to just be silent and allow someone to process their own thoughts. So, yes, you have don't force yourself to do something you love and you have passion for. Make sure that you have a way to breathe through it, to take some moments when you can't, and don't beat up yourself. Look in the mirror. Every morning, I do this, I look in the mirror, I say, Oh my goodness. You are made for some reason. You have a reason here on earth. You will eventually leave the earth, but that's part of life. You'll leave some energy there. You may need a let leave a legacy there. Who knows? Leave something of yourself there that every once in a while someone will remember you and say, Oh, she used to do that all the time. That's so funny, or that's great. Or you write, and they're gonna find my poems, they're going to fight partial books. Sometimes you have to take a hiatus. Took me 20 years to write The Tire Swing, my memoir. Because I had to go through life's ups and downs in order to write that and to be healthy enough to do that. And don't be afraid to get advice. Take their advice, especially if it's professional, even if you don't like it, try it. And and I everyone has a method of writing their story. There are places that aren't expensive. I mean, writing a query and going to a traditional uh publishing company, be ready to be denied, ignored, criticized completely, going to seminars, etc. Don't allow yourself to lose your passion if you have it and if it's something you need to do. Because as you know, when you submit something, you may never hear a thing from anyone, but at least you tried and you took the risk to do it. So all of those things.

SPEAKER_02 24:21

Exactly. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 24:24

Great.

Themes That Run Through Her Books

SPEAKER_00 24:25

And also, yeah, like I want to I want to give space to your books now, like because the books are obviously the bridge between everything that you have lived and everything you are handling forward. Uh oh, sorry, handing forward. So if you can just walk us through like what are you actually writing about and who do you imagine receiving these books? Like, I'm not asking uh for a publisher's speech, but like what's inside them that you most hope finds the right reader?

SPEAKER_01 25:00

Three things. Three things are in every book I write.

SPEAKER_02 25:05

Uh one is listening, the other one is forgiveness.

SPEAKER_01 25:14

A lot of people feel uh have been injured by someone or hurt in some way, and they continue to hang on to that rock that hangs over them. Even children, even babies, even older people who have lost, have dementia, still hang on to that, not being able to forgive what happened physically, mentally, spiritually, whatever it is. Forgiveness means that you let it go because it's done. It's been done. And so forgiveness is very, very important. It's it's a mantra that I put through all the books I've written, even a sci-fi book. Those people in the book, I I I really tried to give a backstory so that you understood who they were and how this dynamic affected them, a huge one. So that's important. Acceptance is number two. Accepting who you are, accepting criticism, accepting joy, accepting that you do have an ego and you have to be really careful what you do with that. That as you as you know, especially having your, you know, the the experience that you've had, an ego can overturn a wonderful relationship with someone. If if that gets so big, it it's like a it's like a tornado. And you don't want to get in that tornado of that person's ego. It can you can lose yourself there. So it's acceptance of who you are, knowing who you are, understanding who you are, and acceptance of the other person, no matter what they are, where they came from, what they look like, what they believe. Just accept it. It's easy. I watch the news and I only focus on what I believe I hear is a fact. Not who's giving you the fact, not who's bad mouthing the fact. I just want to take that out of it. I need to keep current. I write my representatives all the time. Sometimes they answer me and sometimes they don't agree, and sometimes they do. But I have that right right now to do that. I have a right to be with you, I have a right to do a podcast. I'm no actress, but I can put a costume on here that lets you know who I really am.

SPEAKER_02 28:03

The fourth one, the fourth one is empathy.

SPEAKER_01 28:11

Empathy is not sympathy. Empathy is gleaning how that other person feels, being able to get into the midst of whatever they're processing, understanding using your expertise to utilize that empathy to help someone. So those are my three. All through those books, even the children's books, even the children's books. And a little boy who was a product of a man from outer space and a woman who sold hats. They all got bullied in some way. They had a little boy, and his name was Bernard Bartholomew Basel Bean. And he looked different, he acted different, he smiled all the time, people made fun of him till he became a hero and saved someone's life. So all of that is throughout my books, hopefully.

SPEAKER_02 29:12

That genre.

SPEAKER_00 29:46

And I'm really glad that you do. So that's really great. And obviously, yeah, definitely.

Hospice Lessons About Dying

SPEAKER_00 29:55

And and also I want to I mean, for the listeners, like because anyone who's been a witness to the long arc of life, the way you have through nursing and hospice knows something most of us only get glimpses of. So I want to ask you a very quiet question like, what does a lifetime of being present at the endings teach you about how to actually live? Like, how does that knowing find its way into what you write now in the hope it will outlast you?

SPEAKER_01 30:42

Having worked in hospice, that part of our life is part of our life. There's a wonderful CD that played at hospice when I was allowed to, I volunteered to take care of patients. I was a compliance officer. They didn't want me there, they were scared to death of me. Okay. I kept their contracts going and their documentation and all that, but I decided that I wanted to be with that person through the transition period of their life. And I saw energy turn into miracles. I have to believe that energy doesn't die. We have electrolytes and things that it's auras that some people can see, feelings that we feel, miracles that occur. I even saw shadows of people, outlines in a mirror when a woman was dying that had no one to hold her hand. And I sat there and I thought, oh my goodness, that's a that's a person. There was no one in the room. I've heard people call out names and take reach for someone's hand. So there's a transition period in dying or leaving us that I don't know where we go. I have a faith that tells me, yes, I'm going to go to a eternal life, but it doesn't describe what I'm going to be like. And so my energy is going to stay and go somewhere else. And I've seen it in miracles, in people that take days and days to die. They're waiting for something, a phone call from a granddaughter that was in Florida, that this woman, their family was waiting and waiting and waiting. All of a sudden, the granddaughter called and she took three breaths and smiled and left. My mother went to reach her hand in the when she was dying. I'm sure she grabbed her mother's energy because she meant so much to her. And she gave her her her her wonderful gift of being able to play the piano. So, yes, I I lost, I didn't have a fear of dying. I didn't. When I had my second child, I was almost dying. And all of a sudden, I was watching what was going on with me on the other side of the room with absolutely no concept or feeling other than the picture of that. But I heard the doctor say something. My God, we're losing her. And when I went to see him, I came back. Thank God. God said, or whoever I believe in said, You're not done yet. I don't want you, wherever you're going, you're gonna stay. So I also had that moment where there's no pain, there's no fear, there's no anxiety, there's no anger, there's no resentment, none of those things. What a beautiful part of my health care profession that I got to see that and be a part of it. Being a nurse has turned out to be one of the greatest gifts in my life. I've seen people suffer, I've seen people cry, I've seen people laugh, I've seen people run away, I've seen people hide, I've seen people gasp, seen people beg and I've seen people sleep. And there's so many things that I've learned because I've I've done everything in that profession you could possibly do. I took the risk, even though I was afraid, take a risk once in a while. I mean, don't get yourself out, you know, in a s unsafe situation. But if you've got an idea and you think maybe I could try that, just try it. Just try it. Because you never know where where that gift is lying inside of you to allow you to do something way off and find a passion for it that you love.

SPEAKER_02 35:17

So amazing, amazing wow.

Self-Worth As Daily Practice

SPEAKER_00 35:23

And uh also like I mean if you have to give one concrete advice to the listeners today, what that will be.

SPEAKER_02 35:37

Okay, learn to love yourself enough.

SPEAKER_01 35:46

That you're all that you are enough. The only way you'll find enough is to believe that you are worth something. There's a reason for everyone to be here, even even people that have handicaps or that are that are that have challenges that are so difficult. Learn that you are worthy. Don't allow someone to take your self-worth away, because then you can write your story, and it doesn't matter who sees it, you will see yourself and know that you're worried, and look at those journals that you read them, look back on times that were difficult and learn from those. And that's that's what I think. That's that's kept me going for all these years through a lot of a lot of stuff. I had a lot to learn. And sometimes I it sometimes it took a uh a storm to clear out the weeds and and learn how to be a good person.

SPEAKER_02 37:00

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 37:04

And if listeners wants to connect with you, what would be the great medium to connect?

SPEAKER_01 37:09

Well, I'm on a social media, I'm on Facebook and YouTube, and I'm trying out TikTok. I haven't quite gotten that one yet, but I guess I'll dance or something. I don't know what I'll do. I am on Instagram, I really like Instagram. I make a lot of comments there. I have a website, www.nancy Jasonensley, those three names.com, and you'll find my books there, kind of a summary of who I am. Uh I have a lot younger pictures on there, so you just look at the young one. And and I've done a lot of podcasts, so I hope I I have. If one person listens, if you get something from what you've said or written, I had a doctor, he never said anybody's name, no nurse. Hey you, do this, hey you he asked to read my book, he read my memoir. He's a big football player, and he said, Nancy, Nancy. I thought, oh my god, he knows my name. And he said, Your book made me realize that there's a person behind that name tag. And he started to use the nurses' names. They were shocked. He didn't do it all the time. But okay, there's one person that you might have helped in someone.

SPEAKER_02 38:33

So all of that.

SPEAKER_00 38:36

Amazing, amazing, great.

Slow Down And Write The Page

unknown 38:39

Great.

SPEAKER_00 38:39

So, dear listeners, what I'll do is I'll put all the links and the details into the show notes for easy reference. And then before that, I have to say one thing. Like, dear listeners will know, like, if there is one thing I want all of you to carry from today to today's discussion, is like your life is already a story being written. The question is not whether you have something worth saying, the question is whether you will slow down long enough to listen to your own life before you forget the parts that matter. Writing is not a career path, right? Yeah, and and it's a it's a practice of remembering and remembering of how we keep love in the room after the people we loved have left it.

SPEAKER_02 39:28

That's beautiful.

SPEAKER_01 39:30

That's beautiful, so true, so very true. Yeah, there's some part of everyone that we meet and that we love or don't love, whatever we do, all of a sudden that that that memory will come up. And it'll make make your day, or it'll make you change your mind, make you angry, whatever, whatever. It's so I love leaving the love in the room because that never dies.

SPEAKER_00 40:01

Love never dies, definitely.

SPEAKER_01 40:03

Yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_00 40:04

And and and genuinely, Nancy, thank you so much for this conversation because there's a softness to your way of speaking that I I think this episode definitely needed. And I don't think that's accidental, it's the same softness that's been in every room that you have worked into for decades, and I hope the listeners feel that too as well. So everyone who is listening right now, maybe you'll be listening later as well. If something here today moved you, then don't rush past it. Maybe today you finally write the page you have been meaning to write. The one for the person you lost or the one for the version of yourself who needs it most. You don't have to be a write it to write, you just have to be willing to listen. So, with this hope, this is your host awake, and this is Mind Meets Machine. We will meet you back here soon until then. Pay attention to your life. It's already telling you the story. Your job is just to hear it. Thank you. Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_01 41:08

Thank you. I love your smile, I love your voice.