When Pushing Hard Makes You Lose

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Dayless Naz, do you know that you know that moment when you realize that you have been pushing so hard for so long that you have been completely lost, lost touch with why you started. It happens, right? I mean there there's that that's where a lot of leaders find themselves. Not because they lack skills or the drive, but because somewhere along the way they traded awareness for action. They stopped asking what really matters and started asking what's next on the list. Yeah. So today we are talking about what it looks like to lead from a different place, a place where clarity comes from or comes before the strategy, and where performance is not about grinding harder, but it's all about seeing more clearly, right? So I'm your host Avik and you are listening to Mind Meets Machine, where we explore the honest, messy, deeply human side of how we think, work, and grow. And today we have very lovely guests with us today. So please welcome Steve Parton. So welcome to the show.

SPEAKER_00 1:03

Well, thank you, Epic. I really appreciate you having me on. I just finished listening to one of your podcasts before I came on. So I'm excited to do a great job, and I'm excited that you invited me and happy to speak to your audience.

SPEAKER_02 1:14

Thank you. Thank you so much, Steve. It's really, really great to hear from you and thank you so much for being here. And dear listeners, like before we get into the discussion, I'd quickly love to introduce you with Steve. So Steve is the founder of Steve Button Coaching and the creator of The Game of Ten, a registered awareness-based leadership and performance framework, which is designed to help entrepreneurs, executives, and high achievers lead with clarity, confidence, and purpose. So I do not want to take much time off yours, GRS.

SPEAKER_00 1:45

Let's get started. Welcome to the show again, Steve. Thank you so much. I'm excited to

What Awareness Really Means

SPEAKER_00 1:49

talk to you about the game of 10 and awareness, my two favorite subjects. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 1:53

So, Steve, like, I mean, you know, like a lot of people hear the word awareness and think like it's nothing soft, something that lives in the margins of the leadership, right? So, what do you think? I mean, what is the biggest misconception here about the awareness in the context of performance and leading well?

SPEAKER_00 2:10

Uh, you can't get there, you are there. It's kind of like the Wizard of Oz. She never left Kansas. And so awareness is a is such an you know, so many words like consciousness, awareness, God, intuition. I mean, they're all and uh intentionality, authentic self, self, capital S. You have all these words in this, it's infinite. So, how do you describe infinite? And in in in a podcast or a book, we're it's a it's a we're designed to have a piece of it. We never know the whole thing. And so many people, everyone's living their truth. Every person on this earth is living this their truth, no matter what they're doing. It's uh it's they're living at the level of awareness that they are. And so I created a game of 10 to try to figure stuff out because I wasn't figuring it out. And I had some good teachers and that have taught me. And I've kind of I in my first life, I was a florist. Uh I started when I was eight years old, and and professionally I did it for 30 years. And I was always designing flowers, and so I learned to loop. And I was born with two fingers on my right hand, so I used my I learned to do really intricate designing and creative things with my left hand. I think I developed my right brain a lot. And so I always knew I was different, but I'm also no, I'm very different, but I'm also the same as everyone else, too. So that's what I've created the game of 10 to know that everyone is special, not special. So exactly.

SPEAKER_02 3:39

I I I totally agree, I agree about everyone. It's not special, but special, yeah. So when someone is leading from the place, right? So from reaction instead of awareness, what does that actually look like day

The Game Of Ten Framework

SPEAKER_02 3:52

to day?

SPEAKER_00 3:52

Okay, so with the game of 10, there's also the game often played. Okay. So when you're in 10, you're intentional, you're intuitive, you're intentional, you're an energetic being or a spiritual being having a physical experience. And alignment, that to me is alignment. You're connected to that awareness when we're reacting, and that's where we respond. We don't react, we respond. How do we respond in a respectful or loving way? Calm, peaceful, gratitude, respectful, loving, abundant, healthy. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, that's that is ten. That is who we are until and we're appointed that. So think of the game of ten as we are appointed ten. And through journey or situations, we can get disappointed. Yeah. And we can get traumatized, and we can get it can be habitual, it can be as the worst abuse imaginable, and people can survive it. And then how they come through it and how they are able to overcome it, that's the challenge. So we all have had our we've all had our disappointments with others and ourselves. And and if we don't overcome it or let it go, then we're going to start working from that level of awareness one through nine. People who are traumatized, depressed, suicidal, they'd be one. Okay? And they get one per they get 10% of what they ask for in their life. Yeah. People who are nines, very successful people. They get 90% of what they ask for. And typically they're perfectionists too, and they're always looking to be more perfect. So they use that 10% gap in their awareness to use it for fear of missing out, fear of not getting that promotion, fear of not getting that house they always wanted, fear of, you know, just living from that. They get everything. What they're missing is that last piece of joy, peace, love, and happiness. And they use it, they use fear. So in the game often played, you're using fear, and then underneath fear is self-doubt, guilt, and shame. One through nine. So there's in the game often played, fear one through nine, self-doubt one through nine, guilt one through nine, I did something bad, you did something bad, they did something bad. That's guilt. Shame is I am bad, they are bad. It's all bad. The whole situation is bad. So in that matrix of the game often played, there's six thousand five hundred and sixty-one options. That's why people most people stay in the game often played. We're in the game of ten. Game of ten, there's infinite. So when you think of infinite numbers versus six thousand five hundred and sixty one, it's a metaphor, it's a it's a game. But when you think of it's not all that much choices when you are in the game often played. And uh the lower you go down it, the more you are less responsible, less aware of yourself, less less of yourself, actually, in less in less and further away from who you actually are, which is 10. You never you're always 10, but we have an ego, which is where the game often played is based from the fear, self-doubt, guilt, and shame. And that's our identity. It's our thoughts, it's our feelings, it's our emotions, it is our mind, it's our body, and it's our identity. And those are tools that we can develop to align with the perfection of our 10, our spirit. Okay. So that is so people come to me and say, I want to heal my spirit. I said, Honey, that's fine. You got 33 and a third percent, all taken care of. So let's work on your mind and your body and your acceptance of self and others. Okay, that's you know, so people who I just chuckle inside with so I'm healing my spirit. It's like it's cool, it's connected, it's waiting for you to return.

SPEAKER_02 7:39

Yeah, okay, okay. So that's interesting. And then if I

Six Phrases That Quiet Ego

SPEAKER_02 7:43

talk about the daily part, right? Like if someone listening right now is leading a team or running a business or just trying to show up better in their own life. So what do you think? I mean, how does this lack of awareness actually show up? Like, what are the small everyday signs that they might be operating on well, why don't we do the six phrases?

SPEAKER_00 8:03

The game of ten is very simple, it's just not easy. Okay. So repeat after me. A ten is your highest level of awareness. Okay? It is our consciousness that we're connected to. So anyway, so I am ten. Okay, I'll repeat. Yeah. I am ten. I'm doing the best that I can with the awareness that I have. I'm best, I'm I'm doing the best uh of the awareness that I can have. I'm always right with the awareness that I have. I'm always right with the awareness that I have. I am enough.

SPEAKER_02 8:30

I am enough.

SPEAKER_00 8:31

I do enough. I do enough. I have enough. I have enough. A couple of days ago, I did this with another podcast. They'd lost their whole train of thought. And it was so if it happens, you did it right. Okay? Because it shuts off the ego for asking all these questions. Are we safe? Are we good? Are we that? It was a funny. I said, Don't be listen to him, don't be embarrassed. You did it right. So, how does it help a team? Well, when you understand everyone's doing the best with the awareness they have, then open up communications. If you're they're they're right with the awareness they have, this is their perspective, this is their perception. Now you know what they're working with. So, what we can do from a team-building perspective is first of all, look at them as they are 10, and that you're not you're 10 and they're twos. Okay? Because they're gonna feel it. They're gonna know what you're treating them like, and they're gonna they're gonna level you. Okay. So you treat them as 10, there's no leveling. They'll they'll rise to your level of 10, which is respect yourself and others. But if you show them disrespect of anything less than 10, they're gonna know it. We, you know, in the game of 10, the intuition is all minds are joined. Even though, even though you might be thinking you're tricking someone, you don't trick anybody. No. So in then I am enough, I do enough, I have enough, that puts those three phrases put you in a state of grace, gratitude, present moment awareness. I am, you and I have a whole

Leading Teams Without Reacting

SPEAKER_00 9:58

life. What have we been being, doing, and having our whole life? The universal space, the universal quantity, the universal portion, which is enough. Yeah. So to get in that, and just to know that that this is their enough and this is their awareness, they're doing the best that they can with the awareness they have. Is a leader and a team leader or a team member, it's our job to communicate, communicate what we are expressing, what is our viewpoint without being reactive to it, letting people let them. You know, Mel Robbins has this new thing, let them. And it's true, it's it's acceptance. Is and and there's a two you can agree to disagree. I said, that's not how I see it. I've I've stated my case, I'm outvoted. It's let's do it without without defending and being a bad team player. You know, you state your case. I don't agree with it. Based on what I've done the research on, this is what I'm seeing. And I'm a team member, so I'm going along. Let me know how I can help you.

SPEAKER_02 10:57

I agree. I agree. Yeah I mean, I have to say one thing here. It's like it's not always about a big blow, blow-ups. Sometimes uh sometimes it's it's just the slow drift

The Slow Drift From What Matters

SPEAKER_02 11:07

away from what you said mattered. So I mean, I I'll I'll just say like that drift is so gradual, right? I mean, don't wake up one day and uh decide to disconnect. You just keep saying yes to the wrong things and no to the quiet voice that says something off. And then one day you look up and you don't recognize the life that you have built.

SPEAKER_00 11:32

So And the I think the fascinating part of it is too, is whatever level of awareness we're at, we attract people, places, and situations to validate it. So, you know, so if someone's working at level three in awareness, they are they get 30% of what they ask for life, really just is hard. I don't get half the things I asked for. And it and it validates it. And and I'm working at 10, I get everything I asked for. Doesn't happen the way I ask asked for it, it doesn't happen when I want it. It it just happens, okay? I have that awareness that it's gonna happen. I don't know how, I don't know when I've asked for it, and it's just gonna happen. So, and it always has.

unknown 12:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:15

So, so yeah, their reality is their reality. It is their perspective, it is their perception, and they are not wrong. They're they're always right with the awareness that they have. But if they're getting 30% of what they asked for, it might be time to question what's holding us back. What am I holding on to that is keeping me? Am I afraid for success? Am I afraid of failure? Do I have self-doubt that I can make it? Do I have guilt that if I do make it, I'll lose all my friends who are threes? Yes, you will. Okay. They will want to you will you lose your friends. If you're a three and you become a ten, you will lose all your friends, okay? Who will hate you? You've changed. You you're you're a jerk, you know. You used to be fun. So yeah, yeah, you'll lose a lot of them, or they'll grow with you. Same in relationships, too. If you're the partner, you're really personal development, going to therapy, doing personal development, or if the partner doesn't grow with you, you'll you'll and eventually they'll think you're crazy. Okay. Yeah. I've been told that before. And so, and I like to say in my mind, like a fox. Yeah, like a fox, yeah. Yeah. Yep.

SPEAKER_02 13:30

Amazing. Amazing.

Be Yourself And Let Go

SPEAKER_02 13:32

So, uh, if you ever give one advice to the listeners today, what that'll be.

SPEAKER_00 13:36

The hardest thing to do and the best thing you can do is be yourself. And because people are gonna want you to be like they are, or you're gonna want to be like someone else. And the biggest gift that you can give yourself is to be yourself. And it's not easy because the world that you live in, if you're not working from 10, if you're working from three, they're gonna want you to do better. You can do more. Come on, you know, you're not doing your potential, and you're getting attention from that. It's like so start wherever you are. If you're a three or if you're a nine, take the leap of faith and go to ten. One thing I need to tell your audience, too, if you say these phrases, it opens up just subconscious to all those things that made you disappoint, that used as disappointment. So practice letting go of those. People think they have to let go of a person, places, and situation that harmed them or disappointed them. They have to let go of the thoughts about. So be aware of your thoughts. What am I thinking? Is it loving, kind to myself and others? If it's not, think of those thoughts and let them go at a level of 10. Give them to God, give them to I have I I have my clients create a temple in their mind and put an altar on there. And any thought that's less than happy, healthy, wealthy, healed, and whole towards yourself and others, put it on the altar. Let it go. Any traumas, let it go. If they're really severe, they come back less Deepak Chopra calls it washing the rag. Okay. So many ways to say it, many ways to do it, but you do have to give it to your highest self, which is 10 or God within, the spark within us, divine within us. You have to give it to that because you can't forgive at the level of the pain or the disappointment that you are experiencing by thinking of it. Won't work. And if you if listeners wants to connect with you, what

Free Book And Where To Connect

SPEAKER_00 15:19

will be the great medium to connect? You can go to my website, you can download my book for free, which is called The Father, the Son, the Aha Moment. I wrote it with my 18-year-old son. Marianne Williamson was it was during COVID, and I got to have her as my one of my ready coaches, New York Times bestseller. That was the fortunate thing about COVID in the States. And uh so download that at www.stevebartoncoaching.com. I'm on LinkedIn. Connect with me on LinkedIn. I do I'm active on LinkedIn. I'm starting to do some TikTok videos and getting to do some social media. And yeah, I'm learning. At 70 years old, I can learn new tricks. So learning never stops. That is the learning never stops. Always be curious. Go down the rabbit holes. Go down in the rabbit holes. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 16:05

Yeah, exactly. And and that that's really, really true. And I have to say that, dear listeners, like what I'll do is I'll put all the links to tells everything into the show notes for your easy

Closing Thoughts On Leadership Practice

SPEAKER_02 16:14

reference. And I just want to say, like, listen, I mean, leading well is not just about doing more and more, but it's all about seeing clearly enough to do what actually matters. And for this, definitely, Steve, thank you so much for being here sharing with us. And it is really, really grateful conversation, I'd say. And for everyone who is listening, or maybe we'll be listening later as well. Thank you so much for considering that maybe the next right step is not another strategy or another push, but it's a moment of stillness and the question that you have been avoiding, a truth that you have been too busy to hear to. Leadership is not a performance, it's it's a practice, I'd say. And it all starts with the moment you stop running and start paying attention to. So this this is your host, Evig, and this is Mind Meets Machine. I just say take care of your beautiful mind of yours. Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_00 17:03

Thank you so much, Evi. I really appreciate it. Thank you.