The Knowing Versus Doing Gap

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Dearlessness, here is something I have noticed in a lot of conversations about building a meaningful life or the business. There's a gap between understanding something and actually I mean living it, right? So between knowing with what you want and being able to move toward it without the invisible blocks getting in the way. So the most, you know, like the most personal development advice actually stops at the insights level. It gives you clarity, but not the transformation. So today we are talking about like what it takes to cross that gap, like from knowing to actually becoming, right? So hey day listers, welcome back to another powerful episode of Mind Meets Machine. I'm your host, Evic, and today, for me tonight, so today we are exploring the I'd say the purpose, the energy, and what it means to move from the inside into the embodied and the lived change. And also at the same time, the kind that shows up, not just like in how you think in but but in like how you actually build it, lead it, show up in your own life, right? That is much important, right? So if you have ever kind of kind of understood something clearly and still found yourself kind of stuck, right? Then this conversation is filled. And we have a very lovely guest with us today. So so my guest actually works at uh the crossroads. So please welcome my guest, Brigitta Tao. So welcome to the show.

SPEAKER_01 1:27

Thank you so much. I'm really excited about this conversation. So I'm look happy to be here. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 1:32

Amazing. Thank you so much for joining us today, Brigita. And um I mean, before we delve into the discussion, uh dearless panelists, I'll quickly love to introduce you with uh Brigitta. So she is a life coach, Reiki master, and author of two books, including Landing on Your Uh North Star. So her passion is helping people reconnect with their energy, their joy, and empowering them to become, or rather I'd say to overcome what's actually blocking them from their purpose and obviously their light. So why do we? There's a lot of things to discuss today. Welcome again, Brigida.

SPEAKER_01 2:07

Thank you. Thank you. I'm really excited about this. So let's let's talk about it.

SPEAKER_00 2:11

Amazing, amazing,

Why Insight Alone Does Not Transform

SPEAKER_00 2:12

amazing. So so Brigada, like I definitely want to start with that gap which I was mentioning. Like, and it is it is definitely your main uh walk as well. So the uh I mean between the insight and the embodied change. So most people uh I talk to have had a kind of I would say Jane bean moments of clarity about what they want or who they kind of want to be, right? Or who they want to become. So and yet the change does not follow the way they expect. So what do people you think get most wrong about why the insights alon doesn't create the transformation?

SPEAKER_01 2:49

Yeah, I I think it's one of the most frustrating parts of the self-improvement journey that a lot of us are on, which is yeah, I know what I'm doing wrong, or I know my quote unquote issues, right? I know why I do what I do, and yet I'm still doing it. And it can become beyond frustrating. At a certain point, I think it can start to chip away at our self-esteem. We stop trusting ourselves. I think this is why a lot of people struggle with any kind of, you know, disordered behavior, be it eating or alcohol or anything. It's because we start to lose our faith in ourselves when we know what we we want to do, and yet we cannot seem to do it. The thing about it is, is that that knowledge, that understanding, the reading the book, hearing the podcast, going to so many great therapists, all of these things, working with a great coach, whatever it is, yeah. Knowledge and the understanding that aha moment is in a different part of your brain than the part that actually creates change. And so, and I think that part of us when we feel that, oh, I get it now, oh my goodness, it feels really good because there's sort of a certain there, there's some certainty there. So there's a natural desire to want more of the understanding of it. And I I mean, obviously, I've written books, so clearly I love understanding and I love to talk about understanding, and I'm all about that. And at the same time, once you get that understanding, it then becomes about building a structure for yourself where you can create the change because it's a different part of your brain that's taking the change, taking those steps.

SPEAKER_00 4:12

Does that make sense? Exactly. Makes sense, makes sense. And like you, as you mentioned about it, like understanding. So from there, uh definitely I I uh one thing I want to also I mean ask you, it it will definitely clarify uh the listeners as well. Suppose when someone is moving or it moves from just understanding something to actually kind of embodying it, right?

Small Wins That Build Identity

SPEAKER_00 4:34

So, what does it feel like? Like what is the difference? I mean, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:38

The difference, I think what it's very small steps. Let me go back. I think the way to create that embodiment is to take it in small steps because we we don't at the end of the day, we're not actually broken. It's not that we want to become someone else. We might think that way. We might think, oh, if I'm a smoker right now, I want to be a non-smoker. Yes, and there's a bunch of steps that you're gonna take to embody what it would be to be that non-smoker. So you're actually not jumping right from A to Z. You're doing all these steps in between. And this is where I think a couple of things have to happen. And and you'll know when you're starting to make the shifts when you reflect on what you're actually doing and how it's turning out to be a win. So, for example, one of the things I do have my clients do is record at the end of the day what are a couple of their wins. And more importantly, and you can do this with a gratitude practice too, but the next step, which I think is the more important one, is asking themselves the question, what does that say about me? So the fact that I, for example, prioritized getting exercise yesterday and prioritized some time off and returned three emails that were really important to me. Let's say those were my three wins from today, from yesterday, or whatever day I'm looking back on going, that's what I did. I got in a workout, I had some time off, and I got three emails returned. What does that say about me? That says quite a bit, and particularly if I'm wanting to create change of someone who shows up consistently for herself, someone who's creating change. Maybe I have a fitness goal in mind. Well, then I hit that, didn't I? So by exercising, I did something. So I actually am now telling myself, I'm what does this say about me? This says that I'm living a relatively balanced or I'm aiming to live a life of balance with these things. It's showing that I um it's this is saying that I'm someone who can be consistent and show up in a way that I said I would. I followed through. I returned three emails. That's someone who's following through. Um, I'm the other thing was having free time. Well, that's interesting. So that's someone who is starting to evalue playtime and value time off the clock, which can, you know, newsflash, that will actually make you more productive. So those three things, although they're really great wins, and yes, you took some steps. I think the value is in the reflection at the end of the day and reinforcing that that was good. Because if you're creating change in your life, your body's gonna send off a whole bunch of warnings of this is not safe. Because generally, our bodies, our nervous systems view change as dangerous. And that's how we're wired. There's not a lot that I'm aware of that we can do other than acknowledge it and look for ways to help ourselves feel safe. Because ultimately, the real change and the magic happens just outside of your comfort zone. You have to get comfortable being in your uncomfortable zone, which is how I say it. But it's kind of true. And how do you do that? I think by reflecting on facts. What did I do today? And more importantly, what does that say about me? And that's the embodiment. Then you can start to say, I'm changing.

SPEAKER_00 7:31

Exactly. Exactly. And obviously, it's it's there's something that you mentioned about insight living in in the mind, while also kind of transformation lives in the whole person. Then I believe that's that's what we all should just hold for a moment to just feel, just understand that. Because I I think a lot of people have been trying to think their way to different to different life and wondering like why it keeps not sticking. Right. So and obviously what you already said, it's actually pointing towards uh exactly that part. So while also talking discussing about it, I feel also one more part is if I talk about is your uh kind of what to say, our daily life, right? What happens is like for someone who is listening who is kind of building, you can say, something like business, a coaching practice, any project. And then they keep kind of uh what to say, uh hitting in kind of invisible wall, and they cannot explain as well logically. So what do you think? I mean, where does that energy block usually show up in their first hand in in daily life, in our ordinary life?

Finding The Real Energy Block

SPEAKER_01 8:37

That's a really great question. Energy blocks are so interesting because the it again, there's this to go back to how our brains and our bodies work, we work through this think, feel, act cycle, right? So you have a thought, you have a feeling, and then you act on it. And so we do want to look at our mind and think, okay, so there's this block that I keep coming up against, or there's a consistent usually we do have kind of a theme, right? Like there's a sometimes it's the money, or sometimes it's just not having the or it's the lack of education, or whatever, whatever it is, there's sometimes a little or we think it's a theme. And so I I would question, like if it if we keep bumping up against the same thing, the are there what are you doing on a daily basis to stay in the position you're in right now? Which is kind of a confronting question.

SPEAKER_02 9:20

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 9:21

But at the same time, it's it's that if you have a goal in mind, let's say you want to build a business, are are your daily behaviors actually supporting that goal? Or because if they aren't, then you have two options. You can change the goal, or you can take a look at the daily behaviors. And when you start to, and so there's that's there's that way of doing it, it's kind of an outside working in word. And I know that's because you asked me about energy, and here I am talking once again about our actions, but that is very much an outside working in way of doing it, and that that works beautifully. And now, of course, the flip side of it is if you want to also do inside working out, then that's where you can spend some time going for a walk in silence, whatever meditation, but I'm meditation is great. I love it, obviously. I'm an energy practitioner. However, sometimes I feel like it can get us stuck because we stay in our heads too much. And so then it can be that going for a walk or journaling with really open questions to see what is what's happening that I'm not seeing? Like, what am I just not wanting to see? If I knew the answer, what would it be? Yeah. Or what would someone else say? What would my best friend say if I were to ask them, what do I think they would say? Here's your problem, or here's what's worrying me about your situation.

SPEAKER_00 10:28

Yeah, yeah, exactly. And so I mean, why not you suggest something? I mean, uh for our for our daily moments, uh, like one small practice from your work, like coaching or reiki, that someone can begin to reconnect with their energy and move past.

SPEAKER_01 10:43

Yeah, you can. I think that your energy, I I think that the energy that we we're living at, you can tell what here's what what it will help you do. When you're connected to your true authentic energy, you can tell when you're getting pulled off.

SPEAKER_00 10:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:58

So, and you and I've you've probably had this multiple times, it being a podcaster. You can feel when you're connecting with your guests, you can feel when that guest is kind of off, you can feel all sorts of different things, right? And then your intention is to, well, you want to have a great communication. That's the whole goal. So that and but you're aware of it because you're listening into the um the subtleties, you're real your discernment practice is really good in that area. I think for a lot of us, because we have to live much of our day on autopilot, because otherwise we wouldn't get through the day. We have to. However, taking those little timeouts to discern and say, how do I feel right now? What what am I focusing on? And and again, it's that reflection process that if you want to create change, you have to show yourself that you're improving or that it's working. And if it isn't, then let's get really honest and clear about it, not have it be um something intangible. Let's have it be like let's let's get to the bottom of it if we can, if we can.

SPEAKER_00 11:52

Definitely, definitely. I mean, I I believe I think a lot of people need exactly that permission. So that is that is that is much

Your North Star Starts With Values

SPEAKER_00 11:59

important. And also like for the person who genuinely doesn't know what's their North Star is. So kind of who feels lost in terms of direction. So where do they begin?

SPEAKER_01 12:10

Yeah. I think there is, particularly in right now in the time we're living in, there's a lot of pressure to know what your purpose is. And I feel for people who are maybe in their, you know, younger than me. I'm in I'm 55 years old, so I'm a little older. But for the younger people in their 20s, it's it's already being in your 20s, you already don't really know. That's the whole point of being in your 20s. You're not supposed to know what you're doing yet. You're figuring it out.

SPEAKER_00 12:33

Who I am here, what what's my bulb business?

SPEAKER_01 12:36

Yeah, right. I mean, you're not how you're supposed to know. You're just you're just starting what you want to know, and they as you want to, and you should be enthusiastic about that. That's lovely, it's beautiful. But there's a pressure now of like, do your thing, do the and and so I want to say that first and foremost. And yeah, let's figure it out. Because I because I do wish that the book that I wrote with my with with Peggy, this book Landing on your North Star, I really kind of wish it'd been around when I was in my early 20s, because it would have helped me a lot. I would have probably, you know, who knows if I would have done all the same things I did. I don't have regrets. I loved my path. It got me where I am today. However, it would have been helpful to know a few things. So the first thing that I suggest people do, if you're feeling like, I don't really know what I'm doing here. I don't, I'm kind of lost and I'm feeling a little pressure about it, is to take some time out and examine what you value. And you can hone in on what you value very easily. There's an exercise we have in the book that is basically you just review five to ten of your favorite memories and write down next to them what you were feeling when you had that memory, what was going on. So it could have been something from childhood, it could have been something from five minutes ago, could have been a course, a class, a relationship. Anything goes, a meal that you had with someone, whatever it was, the things that fly into your mind. And when you and you'll notice you've got about the same three, three or four feelings come up. Those are the three or four values that you value. Because those are the things you're remembering that you were happiest, you were most yourself, you were most, you were showing up the most, you felt free, you felt liberated, you felt safe. All of those things are happening in your favorite memories. And so what was happening during those favorite memories? Were you being adventurous? Were you uh feeling were you in connection and community? Were you being creative? Were you learning something new? Those are all very different and they're very unique to each person. And so, for example, let's say it was you were feeling in connection and community, like you just one of your favorite memories was some reunion, and you just were like, I just could eat it up all the way. I just loved it. That whole great community. Well, that's an important value. That's a great value to know about because now, guess what? You want to do some, whatever you're doing, you want to involve community. So even if you're doing something like writing a book, which is a very solitary, candy lonely thing to do, what's most important is getting into reading groups, getting into book clubs where you can talk to the readers, talking at the library, talking on podcasts, then that's what's gonna be most important to you because that's the so the book might be the vehicle for you to feel this connection. Now you have a purpose. And now you can do anything. If you know your purpose, connection and community. Now you can set any goal you want. As long as you're going for connection and community, you're gonna feel like you're on track. And you know when you're on track, because at the end of the day, you might be tired, but you're not depleted. You go to sleep knowing you worked really hard, you had an amazing day, you shared a lot of great energy, and now you're gonna rest versus going to sleep feeling depleted, exhausted, a day was wasted. All of those feelings. Those feelings come when you're not in alignment with your value.

Daily Alignment And Closing Practice

SPEAKER_00 15:35

Amazing. So you if you have to give one advice today to all the listeners, what that'll be.

SPEAKER_01 15:40

One piece of advice?

SPEAKER_00 15:42

What advice, yeah?

SPEAKER_01 15:43

Say to actually figure that out. Figure out what are the top two things that are most important to you. I'll tell you mine are contribution and connection. And then number three usually is creativity, and then humor is up there for me too. So I've got like four. Every day I make sure I'm hitting two of those. So I make a contribution somewhere. What's great about also having when you have knowledge of what your values are, you don't need someone else's permission or someone else's platform to make it happen. So I can contribute to this day without anybody's permission. I can just go ahead and do it however I want to. There's a many ways that I can contribute to the world in a better way, to make the world a better place. There's I'm unstoppable. So therefore I can succeed at going towards my goal. And then again, that reflection practice is at the end of the day, I can say, what did I do today? I contributed in this way. Great. What does that say about me? That says I'm someone who values contribution, which would be accurate. And then I can say that says I'm living in alignment with my values. I'm on track.

SPEAKER_00 16:40

Yeah, yep, exciting. So, and and if listeners want to connect with you, know more about your book, so how they can connect.

SPEAKER_01 16:47

Thank you. Yeah, I love talking to people. Obviously, connection is one of the things. So I'm very easy to approach, very approachable. My website is brigginadow.com. Everywhere on there is contact with me, you know, reach out to me, sign up for my newsletter. It's free. You can set up a call with me if you want to. I also teach all sorts of different online classes. So wherever you are in the world, whatever your time zone, you can stay at home on Zoom, you can take a class with me. I'm like I said, very approachable. I'm also, of course, on socials. Brigitte Dow Coaching is my handle pretty much everywhere else. The book is available anywhere you love to buy big books, which I'm really happy about. So there's Amazon, but there's, you know, your local, always support local. If you can, go in and ask them if they can get the book in for you. Or of course, Amazon's always available to all of us. And yeah, I think that's it. Yeah, reach out. I love talking to your listeners.

SPEAKER_00 17:36

Amazing. Amazing. So the listeners, what I'll do is I'll put all the links, details, everything into the show notes for easier friends. And I have to say thank you so much. Uh like the way you uh hold both the practical and the energetic. I mean, with kind of equal care is exactly what people building meaningful lives in the business definitely need to hear. So I think a lot of people are going to take a different kind of first step because of our conversation today. And for everyone who is listening right now, maybe it'll build similar as well. So here's something I want you to try this week. Like the next time you feel that kind of invisible wall, right? So, because this is my wall right now. So if you if you if you if you next time feel that invisible wall, the the block that you cannot explain logically instead of just trying to think your way through it, right? So just pause there, drop your attention into your body for 20-30 seconds, right? And just notice like what's there, what's happening, right? And I feel that noticing might be the doorway to that shift and that thinking alone. I mean, it's uh definitely good, right? So that's it from my end. And with your uh I mean with this, this is your host, Avek, and this is Mind Miss Machine. We'll see you in the next one. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 18:57

Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_00 18:58

Amazing.