Narcissistic Abuse And The Fight For Agency with Sheri Heller

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Some abuse doesn’t shout. It edits your life quietly, then convinces you the confusion is your fault. We sit down with Sheri Heller, a trauma-informed psychodynamic therapist who specialises in narcissistic abuse, to name what’s happening when harm leaves no visible marks but still breaks a person’s sense of reality, worth, and agency.

We unpack the biggest misconceptions about narcissistic abuse and why the “polished” abuser can be the hardest to spot. Sheri explains narcissism as a spectrum, the role of control and “supply,” and how impression management can recruit enablers and “flying monkeys” that deepen isolation. We dig into the mechanics of the trauma bond: love bombing, cognitive dissonance, and intermittent reinforcement that keeps hope alive while the rules keep changing. If you’ve ever asked yourself “Why can’t I just leave?” we talk directly about agency, coercive control, and the fear underneath the surface.

You’ll also hear the lived-in, day-to-day signals that often get overlooked: chronic lack of accountability, subtle mind games, gaslighting that flips the onus onto you, reactive abuse setups, and even surveillance. From there we move into recovery from complex trauma and CPTSD, why healing is nonlinear, and what helps most early on: safety, nervous system regulation, clearer rules of engagement, and options like no contact or gray rock when needed. If this conversation resonates, subscribe, share it with someone who needs language for what they’re living, and leave a review so more survivors can find it.

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Intro Music Credit: Lumen Sound | Dmitrii Kolesnikov | Pixabay 

📌 Disclaimer This episode is for educational and informational purposes only. Guest views are personal and do not represent the host or Healthy Mind by Avik™. The Network does not verify or endorse guest statements. Nothing here is medical, legal, financial, or professional advice, please consult a qualified professional. Engage critically. Third-party content referenced under fair use. Guests are responsible for their own statements. Concerns? ...